Infidelity is defined as unfaithfulness in a marriage or relationship. This act has the ability to strain a relationship and harm the people involved. Sometimes, infidelity is strong enough to end a relationship; however, sometimes this can be mended and has the potential to strengthen a relationship if communication is more effectively displayed.
What counts as infidelity?
An individual's definition of infidelity will most likely differ from others'. Some may view infidelity as explicitly sexual affairs, while others may view infidelity as sexual and emotional affairs with other people. This stresses the importance of clearly communicating to a partner what the expectations are in the relationship.
What causes infidelity?
Often, a successful relationship means that individuals feel stable and secure. They display physical and emotional intimacy at a level that the individuals are comfortable and can be satisfied with. If a relationship is lacking in these areas, an individual may seek out a new sexual or emotional experience because of personal unhappiness, a confidence boost, or a desire for a new experience.
Some other reasons individuals may engage in infidelity include:
- Low self-esteem
- To end the main relationship
- Lack of emotional intimacy
- Sex addiction
- Avoidance of personal or relationship problems
- Depression
What are the effects of infidelity on the uninvolved partner?
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Increased distress
- Low confidence and self-esteem
- Self-blame/shame
- Rage
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Poor performance at work/school
These individuals may often be more likely to engage in higher risk behaviors, including increased substance abuse, overeating, undereating, and over-exercising.
How does infidelity affect the partner who cheats?
Sometimes, people engage in affairs for very long periods of time, and the feelings associated with those affairs can begin to take a psychological toll on those individuals. They may begin to experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of overwhelming guilt. Additionally, individuals may feel helpless or trapped in their situation and may feel that changing their situation seems impossible, which will only serve to lengthen the duration of the affair.
How do individuals handle repeated affairs?
In order to process the situation of repeated affairs, individuals may ask:
- Were there issues leading to the first affair that weren't properly addressed?
- How was the first affair dealt with?
- Did the person who cheated genuinely express regret?
- Did the person own up to their actions?
- Did the person that was cheated on acknowledge their own feelings and reactions?
If these issues remain unresolved, more infidelity is likely to occur in the future.
Repeated affairs are often due to individuals having a sex addiction, which is where sexual behavior becomes a compulsion rather than a reaction to the state of a relationship.
Partners who have experienced multiple affairs in their relationship must examine pre- and post-affair factors. They have to identify behaviors, communication, and emotions that are shown. They should also examine each partner's role in the relationship before and after to highlight any differences or needs that need to be addressed. Partners must also learn how to be comfortable with being honest and expressing all of their emotions and feelings. Any lingering doubts can lead to future relationship insecurity and stability.
If a partner feels that monogamy is not for them, it is necessary to express this to their partner and to see how they feel about nonmonogamy/being in an open relationship. Being on the same page from the beginning will help foster open and honest communication.
Here at Madrigal, we are committed to addressing sex addiction holistically to help you reach your best potential.
*This information was adapted from Good Therapy. Click here to learn more information.*